Keith Witt

(United States)

Title of contribution:

100 Reasons to not have a secret affair

Where & when:


100 Reasons to not have a secret affair

100 Reasons to not have a secret affair—intimacy, monogamy, and the evolution of consciousness
Just as means of production changed as progressive vMEMEs emerged, how the pair bond is understood and enacted has also changed. As intensely relational creatures, humanity’s evolution inevitably involves the evolution of relational forms in the family, the tribe, the company, the nation, and the world.

As the upcoming Integral age unfolds, we have unprecedented numbers of educated couples in stable relationships with equal power. We also have a vast body of research demonstrated better and worse ways to be in relationship across multiple dimensions including commitment, sexuality, parenting, spirituality, community, and self-care.

All that being said, our evolutionary past informs each instant of our lives through the drives and instincts that have emerged from our most ancient ancestors. In the pair bond we see this in eroticism, romance, intimate bonding, jealousy, parenting, and impulses to cheat on our partners if given the opportunities.

Humans turn the drives into art, and the art of intimacy challenges us to integrate the drives into evolving relationships of deep connection emotionally, erotically, and spiritually. As individuals evolve, I’ve found that fulfilling relationships increasingly require radical transparency, acceptance, and (almost always) monogamy.

About Keith Witt:

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara since 1973. He has conducted over 65,000 therapy sessions and published eight books, including Loving Completely, Shadow Light, and Integral Mindfulness. In presentations and classes around the U.S. and internationally, Keith has explored love, intra and interpersonal relationships, development, and integral theory from multiple perspectives.

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