We often say: we have a problem child. But the truth is that
the children’s behavior is always a symptom,
a sign that they do not receive the attention and care they need. In this case the problem is in the family’s function. It’s like a construction game: if a single cube moves from its place the whole building collapses. The system is functioning perfectly only if we work well in our own place. But do we know where our place is?
On the Developmental Parenting workshop of Terry O’Fallon and Kim Barta, American researcher and psychotherapist siblings, you can understand how your family is functioning. We are all at a certain point in the development of consciousness. So are our children and our partner. Do you often feel that you do not speak the same language as your partner? Do you try to follow consistent child-rearing principles, however your partner would do it differently? Who is right? You both may be right, but
you may be looking at the same problem from different levels of consciousness.
This is quite natural, since from the level you are staying at you have your own best possible solution. There is one more important aspect here: the child. While we are arguing with our partner who is right, our child may come to a higher level of development. Just as we are, he/she is always in a certain stage of consciousness. Whether they can arrive and develop on the next level, or not, primarily depends on the parents. By understanding where we and our partner are in the developmental levels, we can avoid the controversial discussions and bring more energy to our child’s current needs. So, slowly we all can fit into our own place and mode of functioning, from which we can give to the family members what they really need. Come and learn directly from the creators of the method, what the best is for your family!
Article written by Csilla Fehér